grief.

i haven't written in a while because i haven't known what to say. though i've been humbled & awed by the extent of the earth's beauty, i continually struggle with the fact that my mom is no longer here to share it with. & i've started to feel like a fraud writing as if i'm not drowning in sadness. as if i don't wake in the middle of the night, overwhelmed, chest tight from crying as i slept. as if i don't stare out the window, tears streaming down my face as we drive. because i am. & i do.

i don't write about my grief because it hurts too much. & don't talk much about my grief because when i say it out loud i have to acknowledge it. & i am not strong enough to carry the full weight of it.

so, until i am, i hope you'll understand that, for now, i must continue to tell our story as i have been. i will share the highs & lows of our adventure. i will post photos of smiling faces & stunning views. & i will continue to hold my grief close to my chest because until i'm ready to share my grief - MY grief - this is all i'm able to share.